I don’t know if I will ever get the hang of the dating game.
I’m definitely getting better at handling the feelings of rejection and lonliness when something doesn’t work out. Unfortunately its something that I’ve experienced a lot of, the feelings don’t go away but I can control the way I handle and react to these feelings. It’s all part of my journey I guess.
Recently a potential relationship didn’t work out and I was hit with this wave of disappointment because I really thought this one was going to work out. We clicked really quickly and everything just worked. Until it didn’t, it wasn’t anyone’s fault (except it was his, because he wasn’t ready for a boyfriend). I’m not bitter about it (I am a little). But as Alyssa Edwards said on Drag Race ‘Don’t get bitter, just get better.’
So what I’m choosing to get better at is processing the feelings of disappointment and rejection that follow on from one of these situations. If I’m honest with myself I was more upset by the fact another potential relationship failed than the failure with this particular person. I think this stems from how hard I find it to meet guys who I’m compatible with.
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A gay man living in a hookup culture world with wants and needs that won’t be met by a quickie, it’s hard to find guys that I’m attracted to who want the same things. Maybe that’s the age bracket I’m in (Mid 20’s) or maybe its the scene here in Brisbane, I find it hard to meet guys organically, outside of a gay club which is not the ideal place for a meaningful connection.
The other option is apps, I’ve definitely had more success with Tinder than Grindr, but still the conversations lean towards sexual rather than romantic. Maybe its time to pay for a proper dating site, but I don’t know if there are actually many guys my age on true dating sites. I don’t have a type, but I try to stick to 30 and under, not because I’m ageist, but because whenever I’ve dated men over 30 we’ve struggled to find commonality as we’re usually in very different points of our lives.
If anyone has any advice for meeting guys organically outside of a club I’d love to hear about it in the comments. 5 dating rules for gay men & 12 first date ideas