Gay Dating is Hard

Gay Dating

The first same sex marriage can officially take place on the 9th of January which means the #HusbandHunt is officially on. One problem though Gay Dating is Hard Y’all. You’ve read some of my hilarious dating fails, but here’s the thing.

I’ve Never had a boyfriend

I know right, its shocking. With a nasty sarcastic streak and trouble letting people in who would have thought it? Do I stink of desperation… probably. I do tend to jump in way too quickly and get emotionally vested before it’s warranted. I spent a very long time while I was in the closet convincing myself that I could never have a boyfriend and I had to get comfortable with that idea. Now that that’s changed and having a boyfriend is totally an option, I didn’t realise how important a romantic relationship is to me.
When people ask I joke and say ‘Oh no, I’m way too emotionally damaged for that’. But honestly if I could get away with it I’d have faked a pregnancy by now.

The strong independent guy in me say’s don’t worry about it and concentrate on being happy in yourself. But there’s a part of me that starts to wonder. At what point does it start to get weird that I’ve never actually had someone who I would refer to as my boyfriend?
This isn’t a pity post, I don’t want comments with things like ‘keep your chin up’ or ‘you’ll find someone, don’t worry’. This post is just to reiterate that Gay Dating is Hard. At this point I’m kind of like ‘are we doing this or not?’ Because I’d like to cut you quickly rather than get too invested.

Everyone’s walking around with emotional baggage and I think there’s something in my pheromones that attracts guys recently out of relationships.  Last Friday I hooked up with a guy (no post about this one yet) who agreed to have coffee a couple of days later. It came out over coffee that he was 6 weeks out of a 5 year relationship. I ain’t your rebound buddy.
But because I’d like to be optimistic I’ve already started planning my wedding on Pinterest husband to be determined at a later date.
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36 thoughts on “Gay Dating is Hard

  1. Do the sex first and if that works ok, then see if you are compatible in other areas. You may make a friend, a fuck buddy or a life long companion, or a combination of all or some.

  2. Based strictly on A) this post; and, B) my personal experience, I’d put this complaint squarely in the “its not you, it’s them” category.
    Most gay men are selfish emotional retards.
    I’ve said it for 25 years and it’s only getting more true as we’ve evolved from “Ruth Annes” to websites to apps as our options for meeting other guys. The outcome is usually something along the lines of “sex first”, which…I mean c’mon…let’s do that, it’s fun.
    Sadly, most gay guys – I call them Lost Boys – run off for more fun. These emotionally retarded men lack the more sane wiring that you describe as investing too quickly.
    But really, I think the fuck first paradigm is probably a combination of the coming out process and also shaking off the puritanical teachings we grow up with that tell us to wait for marriage.
    Both are forms of repression.
    OMG, I’m writing a blog in your comment stream! Sorry!
    Andrew makes a good point in his comment about sex having the potential for a steady fb sitch, long term friendship or more…most gay guys just aren’t able to fulfill that potential…they’re too selfish.
    Don’t make their problem yours, but don’t give up on your ideals, the old “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” trope isn’t a recipe for success, it’s giving up on your future happiness. Just keep your eyes open for that one guy with potential, even if he’s poor or a little fat or some other trivial gay dating disqualifier.

    1. Ok here’s my thought out response.
      I sometimes wonder why gay men tend to be so awful at relationships. I think we have so much emotional baggage from growing up gay, that it never quite goes away.
      Also, heterosexual people start dating at 15-16. So by 25-26 they’ve had roughly 10 years of dating experience.
      I think gay men don’t settle down until later is because we have started dating later than normal: early twenties.
      I hate to say it but there is also the thought of ‘why have just this one, when I can have as many as I want’.
      Idk I just get really disheartened by dating.

  3. Life, and almost every aspect of it, is indeed difficult. Committing yourself to the life of another (regardless of sexuality) is equally as challenging. The search for the “perfect” (if there ever is one) man can be both fun and exciting. Enjoy the search and happy hunting! Naked hugs!

  4. Dude, I totally agree! Everyone I meet is somehow emotionally damaged from a previous relationship. I always said, “I think we’re all just a bunch of broken hearts looking for someone who resembles the pieces that we lost.” Dating sucks, and people never understand when I joke and say I just want to fall in love and have a husband. I hate investing my time and emotions in someone just to have it all blow up in my face. I’m exhausted. Keep the faith though! I mean, we have to.

  5. This is so true. I agree with the comment from galby68. Most of gay men are emotionally retard and selfish. The selfish part is insane, but I kind of believe this also happen to a successful alpha straight guy. On the other hand I’ve been thinking lately if there is something wrong with me, but when I come see these posts and comments I come back and realize that I’m not the only one ha.
    There is also this thing that we don’t have a role model that we can follow- but it’s coming on now.. and yet, I read about the “Coolidge” effect where some people can’t have sex with the same partner overtime caused by porn and the gay industry that over expose sex. But ah well.. who am I kidding, right?

  6. I, also, never had a boyfriend. I was just thinking about this tonight after being with friends go from one relationship to another. Even in some cases, divorce then marriage soon after. Dating for some people seem very easy but I also see them in an unhappy relationships. Just when I think I met “THE ONE,” something interferes (like they already have a boyfriend or moving away) or they are not interested in same thing I am. Yes, dating is so hard. Do you think internet/dating apps made it worse?

  7. This is so true, In high school, Luckily I have a lot of awesome friends that I could tel, next year it is uni and a lot of cute boys

  8. I have been so fortunate to find my partner, it was through a friend of a friend of a friend. I know it sounds a cliche but I wouldn’t actively look for a partner, I used to abuse tinder and it’s all got better haha. Also loved your blog I think it really resonates with so many people so keep it up 😁

  9. Gay dating is so hard because I feel people don’t know what they want and what they’re looking for, especially on apps. But I found it works best if you just meet people and go with the flow. I guess what I’m trying to say is that there’s no point in looking for something, it has to find you.

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