I’ve mentioned a couple of times that I’m in a bit of a dry spell, honestly it’s about 50% my fault and 50% the contract everyone must have signed to ignore me.
But the parts that are my fault include, but are not limited to; The two times in the last 6 months that I’ve managed to pick up out at gay bars and brought boys home. Just. For. Cuddles. Both times I was so excited to actually have a guy interested in me, that I really wanted to do something about it. But I was either too drunk to have sex or still sober enough to not want to have meaningless sex. So I said things like ‘Do you want to come home with me and cuddle? No sex though’. Which they actually said yes to, probably because they assumed I actually meant sex. I didn’t though.
Do you know what sounds like a good idea at the time? Taking a guy home just to cuddle.
Do you know what’s actually really awkward in the cold sobering light of morning? Taking a guy home just to cuddle. I tend to wake up fairly early after a night out so 7:00 rolls around and I’m awake, laying next to a comatose half naked guy that I’ve spoken to for less than 2 hours and I realise that I don’t want a random that I haven’t had sex with in my house anymore. Awkward right?
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Have you ever tried to wake up a drunk guy, but also not make it obvious that you’re trying to wake him up? It’s not easy, the second time I actually resorted to texting my friend asking them to call me with some emergency, while I quickly put my phone on loud (yea I know that’s cliche and lame, but I was hungover). Luckily both times, when the guys have woken up they’ve come to the same realisation that I have ‘This is fucking awkward’ and they’ve made their exit after a quick shower. We both promise to text or meet up and we both know this is a lie. But that’s ok.
So now I have a hangover, I have this weird mix of regret for the awkwardness of the situation and relief that I did’t sleep with a stranger. The worst part is that I didn’t even get cuddles, because I passed out pretty much straight away both times. Yes I’m aware picking up guys in a nightclub are not going to get me what I want, but it sounded like a good idea at the time.