The following is another guest post from Peter Minkoff from Gay Republic. His first guest post on gay relationships had a really positive response so we’re following up with a How To Have a Perfect First Date.
Whenever they asked me how my first date had gone, I had something to complain about – either he was too quiet, the atmosphere was dead and boring (something like The Hurt Locker), or I was just not that into him. Then, one day, I stopped and asked myself why this was happening and analyzed my moves. It turned out – not all of them were very smooth. After that moment of realization (which I like to call “Illumination”), each date was perfect. Yes, sure, not all of them turned out to be great partners, but we’re talking about first dates here. So, let me share my secrets with you – these are the most important things to have in mind while on a first date:
Lower your expectations First of all – don’t expect sex, as you really don’t want to make this one a hook up. Your candy should still be wrapped until your second or third date. The key of not being disappointed after your first date is to keep your expectations in check. So don’t think of your date as a heavenly creature, but rather know beforehand that there will definitely ne certain things you won’t like about him, and try to work around that.
Keep the conversation going
I’ll tell you about two of my first dates and you can draw conclusions on how to communicate. For the first one, I asked my date to come and have dinner at my house, as I was cooking an excellent Thai dish, and I simply wanted to mesmerize him with my culinary skills. Everything went great – I opened a bottle of biodynamic wine (which is a great conversation opener), and we talked, and ate, and everything was perfect until I realized that I was an interviewee. I had to answer questions as if I was on a talk show, (and not the good kind like Ellen, but an uncomfortable one). I had to sashay him away, because he was simply trying too hard to get to know me, and everything has to be very spontaneous. For the other one, we went out for a cup of coffee during the afternoon – the coffee place was amazing, and we seriously had a great conversation. The flow was very natural, the jokes on point, a couple of looks here and there, and that was probably the best first date I’ve ever been to. It’s very important that you show interest, but not too much, and simply enjoy your time there – talk music, movies, and general opinions. There are certain things that you will be able to elicit without actually interrogating him, which is extremely important.
Mind your humor
We gays are definitely the funniest people in the world, and whoever tells you otherwise is weird and probably does weird things while alone. Do not trust them! Anywhore (pun intended), mind your humor while on the first date. If you use a lot of references to HBO’s Looking or Britney Spears, you might come out as very dramatic, which is a thing he might not like from the very start. Be very cautious and save your insulting sense of humor for the third or fourth date, and keep it very light at the beginning (unless he shares the same humor as you – then you go, girl).
Don’t be too into it, but don’t make yourself hard to get either. The biggest mistake people make during first dates is trying too hard to impress their date, so never do this. You don’t need to impress him on the first date by being something you’re not and lying you’re into stuff you’re not really into. If he’s a boxer and you’re not a sporty person, don’t ever say you’re into boxing. Why? Because you’re not. You can always say though that you’ve always found that quite interesting and if there’s a possibility of him explaining why he chose boxing as a sport. There you go – another conversation opener without trying too hard.
All in all, you need to be yourself. After all, if he doesn’t see you just the way you are, he might fall for a guy that’s definitely not you. However, have certain boundaries and don’t embarrass yourself. Do everything you would do on a job interview with a bit of flirting on the side. Good luck, and don’t f**k it up!